Tiny little things -focus on the light

Ever so often there are moments in our life that just amaze us, make us happy and leave us awed. I like to live in the moment. Enjoy the tiny bubbles made by the kids on the street. Adore the flowers my husband gets me every now and then. Admire the beauty and mystery of Mama Nature when my plants grow and flower in this perfect cycle. Laugh at the mistakes I made a few rows ago and unravel my work to correct it. A tiny mistake can ruin a project sometimes. I wasn’t always like this, I tossed and turned at night in bed thinking, wondering, “what if…?”.  I have wished several times to go back in time and just make life bend my way, until one day I just decided that I will choose how much grown up I want to be.

Being a stay at home person isn’t easy. I got married when I was just done with my degree and I didn’t have a job. Later, I couldn’t get one and frankly, if I had got a job then I would have been rubbish at it because I wasn’t really, completely myself. All the sudden changes in my life created a mini crisis. I tried everything. A hobby, keeping myself occupied with work, yoga, learning new recipes for Mr. B who is a complete foodie. I even saw a doctor who after endless questions and evaluations diagnosed me with acute depression. I wasn’t surprised. I had figured that much myself. I was also self-helping already. He suggested meds but I wasn’t ready for it. I knew I could be depressed, but I had always this strong desire to shake this feeling off. I wanted to fight the dark, dull days. I just couldn’t figure out how to do that.

One fine morning I decided I was just going to start doing whatever makes me happy. I will knit the whole day if I want. I will waste the day watching the telly if it keeps me sane. I even spent a whole day cleaning just because I felt like it. Since then it’s been good. I don’t know if it was depression. What I know for sure is I had disappointed myself. I had big dreams and goals which I let go. I gave up on so much of myself due to difficult time and situations.

I was tired of fighting the world, its ways. I wished so many times that the world could be simpler, that life could uncomplicated itself. I made myself feel better by saying that depression is one of the top 5 health issues according to WHO. Really, the statistics are horrifying. I concluded the culprit was the way we live now. There is something or the other constantly going on. This continued until one day I stopped blaming and started the change.

I’m still a housewife. I enjoy the little perks that come with that. I have a loving family and a very devoted, loving and supportive husband. Without him I would have dived down into the abyss for sure. He has educated me about how to just relax and let go of the unhappy things. I love him dearly and I’m tremendously happy that I married him. He helps me focus on the light and keeping shining on the light for others.

I’m sharing this because I already know at least 5 people in my immediate circle who have depression. I hear about so many of my friends who are already showing early symptoms of depression. I would like to give a shout out for those people. Nobody chooses to be depressed. If you know someone who needs help, don’t wait for the right time. Talk to them. Make them feel that it’s alright to have issues. Help them seek help.

Here are a few links which will help you understand depression better. There are also personal experiences shared on some sites and some natural remedies. I would like to clarify that these sites are not a substitute for a doctor. If you are feeling majority of the symptoms you should still see a doctor as some physical disorders can also cause these symptoms.







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